I always ejoy this time of year because it is a chance to start over and things are renewed.  I love to watch the plants and flowers sprout from the ground and begin to grow.  It really gives me a sense of hope in that I too can be renewed and grow.  It is funny because many people that new years is a time to change and start over, but I believe the spring time is the renewel time.  Ofcourse, the nice weather and warmer days are god too but my full attention is on the budding flowers and blooming trees.  I love the smell in the air from all the flowering trees, especially my cherry blossom tree.  It is my favorite tree to take pictures of.  I long for the days when I dig and plabt in my garden and watch the fruits of my labor grow and bring beauty back to the world.  I do not have a green thumb by any means but I still enjoy gardening the way I know how. I am getting better as my gardenia shrub lasted the whole summer but the I forgot to bring it indoors for thewinter.  I will try again this summer.  My wisteria is growing tall and I hope to have many lovely blooms this season.  Sunflowers are my passion and I am already picking out the seeds for planting.  My daughter loves tulips so I think I will plant some bulbs this fall so that next spring I will have some lovely tulips for her.  Right now we have 3 purple ones and she loves the red ones, so red it will be.  What I like best about spring is all the beautiful colors.  What is your favorite part about spring?

Have you ever noticed that when your mind dwells so intensly on something you develope a headache?  I sit here tonight with excrutiating pains in my head because my anxious mind is going over the past 28 years of my life.  My OCD is driving me insane tonight.  I try to take my thoughts to my happy place but I seem to keep returning to the past.  My memories are kind of like pictures flashing before my eyes.  They are good memories though, but still the headache is intense.  Does anyone ever get such a bad headache when they focus so hard on something with their mind?  Why does this occur even though I am not upset or stressed out in a bad way?  Any advice?

I wish my family would be able to fly out and be here tomorrow morning when the kids wake us up to open presents. I haven't seen them in almost 2 years now.  Ryan and Emma really miss them alot and they don't understand why it is so hard for them to fly out here.  It would be great if I could just spend a couple of hours talking with them in person, but there is always the phone. 

This is a great question to reflect on.  I have many moments when my breath was taken away by gestures and events, but I have to say that my latest and most memorable was when a little girl lost her mommy and my son cried for her and prayed that God would take care of her mommy and help her to not be so sad because she will see her mommy i heaven some day.  He has a big heart and he is always praying for others instead of only himself.  He is 7 years old but he acts like a grown up sometimes and he is so full of kindness and love.  This was my most memorable exprience.

I often dreamabout winning the lottery and what I would do if I did.  I love animals and my heart goes out to people who have animals and can't afford treatmets and surgery to keep their pets alive. If I were to have a lot of money, I would go back to school and become a veterinarian and open up a free clinic where people could bring their pets to me and  I would provide free care. I would donate to multiple charities and fund many different programs to help out those in need.  It really bothers me that people are losing their homes and children are starving and yet there is nothing being done to help these people out.  Or government is bailing out companies and yet the people who need help the most are suffering.  Why do we put such a highprice and priority on things that really aren't that important?  we pay ball players millions to play ball and yet our cops have low pay and yet they save lives.  Our teachers mold and shape minds of young ones and doctors treat and save lives.  Our troops protect and serve and yet they do not have the fame and glory that the movie stars have. Will things ever change?  Will we ever get our priorities straight?   

What I want most and need right now is the assurance that all will work out somehow this holiday season and that my children won't have to learn one of life's most hard lessons to learn at such a young age.  Money.....is associated with pain and disgust.  My 2 young children will have an empty look on their faces when they see maybe 1 present each under the tree this christmas if we do not freeze to death before then. My husband has had his hours cut down drastically and for that we are months behind on our mortgage-foreclosure immenent, our furnace is broken without any money to fix it, and to top all things off I have had to have knee surgery for the second time without any good outcomes.  Everyone has their own problems, but I fear that they will only get worse and swallow us whole.  What would be most beneficial is the gift of HOPE.  We forge ahead even though we feel like just cringing up into a ball and crying. 

It is always uplifting to come home from work with the kids at the door and waiting for a kiss and a hug.  I do not work much yet as I am still going to school, but when I do work it is hard for my 2 little ones to accept.  I enjoy returning home to NJ for holidays to see my family.  There is nothing more exciting than to see their faces after so long of being away.  I love the holidays for the family togetherness time.

I began this month thinking about the year that is soon to pass away and found that through my many obstacles I was able to look back and see how the light was shinning through even though the storm within me was causing much pain.  I have had many new insights into healing by the many wonderful friends I have met here at Gaia.  I am glad to have been so fortunate as to meet so many wonderful people and to listen to their much needed advice.  I have leaned much about myself and that was priceles.  I can journey into my innermost fears and walk away with a sense of hope that a new day can bring me if I just let the light in.  I look forward to the upcoming holiday season and the new year that is soon to come.  I want to wish my many friends a wonderful holiday season and that they will always have a place in my thoughts as they were there when I needed them the most. 

I obviously want to be thankful for the family, children, health life, Jesus dying on the cross for me, but I think I need to be thankful for all the little blessings that usually get overlooked.  A car that works, a job that I enjoy, a website full of friends....Gaia, time for meditation, heros to look up to and the list goes on.  Happy Thanksgiving.

My relationships with loved ones.  I have hurt them these past months by hurting myself.  I want to help others heal, but the healing must come from within first.