I began this month thinking about the year that is soon to pass away and found that through my many obstacles I was able to look back and see how the light was shinning through even though the storm within me was causing much pain.  I have had many new insights into healing by the many wonderful friends I have met here at Gaia.  I am glad to have been so fortunate as to meet so many wonderful people and to listen to their much needed advice.  I have leaned much about myself and that was priceles.  I can journey into my innermost fears and walk away with a sense of hope that a new day can bring me if I just let the light in.  I look forward to the upcoming holiday season and the new year that is soon to come.  I want to wish my many friends a wonderful holiday season and that they will always have a place in my thoughts as they were there when I needed them the most. 

It is always uplifting to come home from work with the kids at the door and waiting for a kiss and a hug.  I do not work much yet as I am still going to school, but when I do work it is hard for my 2 little ones to accept.  I enjoy returning home to NJ for holidays to see my family.  There is nothing more exciting than to see their faces after so long of being away.  I love the holidays for the family togetherness time.

What I want most and need right now is the assurance that all will work out somehow this holiday season and that my children won't have to learn one of life's most hard lessons to learn at such a young age.  Money.....is associated with pain and disgust.  My 2 young children will have an empty look on their faces when they see maybe 1 present each under the tree this christmas if we do not freeze to death before then. My husband has had his hours cut down drastically and for that we are months behind on our mortgage-foreclosure immenent, our furnace is broken without any money to fix it, and to top all things off I have had to have knee surgery for the second time without any good outcomes.  Everyone has their own problems, but I fear that they will only get worse and swallow us whole.  What would be most beneficial is the gift of HOPE.  We forge ahead even though we feel like just cringing up into a ball and crying. 

I often dreamabout winning the lottery and what I would do if I did.  I love animals and my heart goes out to people who have animals and can't afford treatmets and surgery to keep their pets alive. If I were to have a lot of money, I would go back to school and become a veterinarian and open up a free clinic where people could bring their pets to me and  I would provide free care. I would donate to multiple charities and fund many different programs to help out those in need.  It really bothers me that people are losing their homes and children are starving and yet there is nothing being done to help these people out.  Or government is bailing out companies and yet the people who need help the most are suffering.  Why do we put such a highprice and priority on things that really aren't that important?  we pay ball players millions to play ball and yet our cops have low pay and yet they save lives.  Our teachers mold and shape minds of young ones and doctors treat and save lives.  Our troops protect and serve and yet they do not have the fame and glory that the movie stars have. Will things ever change?  Will we ever get our priorities straight?   

This is a great question to reflect on.  I have many moments when my breath was taken away by gestures and events, but I have to say that my latest and most memorable was when a little girl lost her mommy and my son cried for her and prayed that God would take care of her mommy and help her to not be so sad because she will see her mommy i heaven some day.  He has a big heart and he is always praying for others instead of only himself.  He is 7 years old but he acts like a grown up sometimes and he is so full of kindness and love.  This was my most memorable exprience.

I wish my family would be able to fly out and be here tomorrow morning when the kids wake us up to open presents. I haven't seen them in almost 2 years now.  Ryan and Emma really miss them alot and they don't understand why it is so hard for them to fly out here.  It would be great if I could just spend a couple of hours talking with them in person, but there is always the phone.